did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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