5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
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Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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