How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize