Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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