I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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