Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize