a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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