Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize