My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
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when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
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I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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