my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize