I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Drake has all the answers
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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