i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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