We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
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guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
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How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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