Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
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i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
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Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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