i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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