she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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