I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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