Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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