oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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