the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
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