i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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