Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
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I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
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We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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