If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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