Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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