blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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