so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize