Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize