On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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