I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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