Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize