Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize