i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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