I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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