3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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