I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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