Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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