I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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