She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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