Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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