i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you traded sex for a burrito?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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