I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
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Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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