If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize