Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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