I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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