new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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