I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I cut my penus on the lid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize