Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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