mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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