is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize