Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize